Marybeth and I just spent the last two days in Winston Salem, NC at the annual North Carolina Homeschooling Conference. It was a great weekend. First off, we were able to leave the kids with a sitter and spend 48 hours alone. That in itself is a miracle! We got a few phone calls from home, but mostly got to spend our time uninterrupted. I'll state the obvious - our marriage always grows stronger when we can spend time alone together.
Years ago, when our family had just begun homeschooling, Marybeth had a hard time getting me to come to this conference. I resisted homeschooling at first and gave her some pretty lame excuses why I didn't need to go with her. Then, about seven or eight years ago, she got me to come. It turned out to be one of the best times we'd ever had together. We listened to great speakers, bought some excellent material for our kids, and most importantly, connected on a deep emotional level. For the first time in our marriage, she and I became committed as a team to a vision for our family that we've been able to fight for ever since.
That weekend, I realized what homeschooling is all about. Initially I thought we were just educating our kids. At some point, I realized that we were actually transforming our family. I wasn’t just teaching my kids, I was learning of God's love and of how to model myself as parent more around the way He loves and cares for me.
I'll never forget that first year sitting in a session given by a man named Mark Hamby. I cried my eyes out as he told stories of his experiences and failures as a husband and father. He was describing me and answering all the difficult questions that I'd been carrying around for so many years. He spoke of a father's love and grace in a way that I'd never heard before. The room was filled with a few thousand men and women hanging on his words and his wisdom. These people were just like Marybeth and myself; couples who had decided that their family was more important then any other calling. Mothers and Fathers hoping to find answers to the difficult questions that parenting creates.
These were parents who had learned a valuable lesson. Homeschooling is about pouring love into your kids. Homeschooling is about building within them a Biblical foundation they can carry inside their hearts for the rest of their lives, loving God and serving Him all their days.
Homeschooling is also exhausting. And to be perfectly honest, our oldest four have been in school this past year. Our oldest child stopped homeschooling three years ago. Being at home with mom as his teacher just wasn’t a good thing for anyone in our family (a whole post needs to be devoted to this) and when he got into a charter school close by, we put him in. Time has proven it to be a good decision. When the other three who were school age got into this same school last summer, Marybeth and I decided that we needed to enroll them as well. She was mentally exhausted and I was about to start a job that required traveling out of town two nights a week. This past year has been good for all of us. Marybeth has been able to spend time on a sort of sabbatical with God getting direction for her ministry. Our kids have had a different schooling experience that has opened up a whole series of questions and subjects they’ve been able to ask and talk about.
And I’ll interject a thought for homeschool parents here. It’s something I’ve learned throughout this past year. Quit living in fear of how the world outside your four walls could affect your kids. It’s ok to let them go and have different experiences.
Quit parenting out of fear. Quit holding up homeschooling as an idol that you think will save your kids from making bad choices. It's ok to be just "mom" and "dad" without having to be their teacher.
After a year of rest, Marybeth and I will be homeschooling our youngest three this next year. And so this weekend at the conference has been valuable. We’ve been able to hear some good speakers. We went to lunch with a couple who are both very special people. We got to spend a lot of time alone talking about our family and about our vision for each of our kids.
The whole time has been a reminder of how wonderful God is. I always shed a few tears when the conference is over and we’re driving away.
This year more then ever….
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
A Prodigal Son
Something is broken inside me. For years I thought I could fix it. I pleaded with God but He didn’t move. I poured myself into my Bible, but the pain remained. I turned to relationships and hoped they would be my answer. I wanted my spouse “fix” me. I looked to friends and tried to get them to like me. I expected their affirmations to soothe my aching heart.
Years went by and the pain remained; an emptiness just under the surface.
I realize now that my broken heart is broken for Jesus. My soul aches to be in the presence of God and to experience true freedom from sin and suffering. I will be repaired when my soul is taken out of this world and carried to a Heavenly kingdom.
Then my eyes will weep no more. I will be set free.
Meanwhile, I will travel down this path towards home. I will find others who struggle and fight. I will fellowship with them and walk with them. I will tell of a grace that forgave when what I deserved was eternal damnation.
I will tell of a passionate love that pursued me.
I will tell of Jesus, the man who followed me into the darkness so he could grab me and hold me and whisper his love for me.
Jesus, the man who died for me and rose alive for me.
Jesus, the man who created a room for me and waits for me as I make my way back home.
Years went by and the pain remained; an emptiness just under the surface.
I realize now that my broken heart is broken for Jesus. My soul aches to be in the presence of God and to experience true freedom from sin and suffering. I will be repaired when my soul is taken out of this world and carried to a Heavenly kingdom.
Then my eyes will weep no more. I will be set free.
Meanwhile, I will travel down this path towards home. I will find others who struggle and fight. I will fellowship with them and walk with them. I will tell of a grace that forgave when what I deserved was eternal damnation.
I will tell of a passionate love that pursued me.
I will tell of Jesus, the man who followed me into the darkness so he could grab me and hold me and whisper his love for me.
Jesus, the man who died for me and rose alive for me.
Jesus, the man who created a room for me and waits for me as I make my way back home.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Learning to Lead
Here’s something I’ve been thinking about lately. God gives husbands and fathers a high honor. He brings people into our lives and asks us to lead and care for them. Our wives, children, friends, and coworkers are all watching us and modeling our behavior.
If I want to teach, I must do so by example. If I want to lead, I must reach a person’s heart. Most of the time, this means that I have step away from what is safe and become someone who initiates. At work, I have to leave the sanctuary of my office and engage my fellow employees and customers. At home, I have to put down my (guitar, computer, book, TV remote, etc.) and spend time interacting with my kids. In my marriage, I have to quit waiting for my wife to arrange time together, and call the sitter myself and set up a date. If I want to develop strong relationships with other Christian men, then I must quit using the excuse that “they never pick up the phone” and start making contact.
And as I engage, I must set the example. If I want to create a culture of excellence at work, I have to return phone calls and emails promptly, treat people fairly and with respect, and be in early and stay late. If at home, I want my kids to treat my wife with respect, then I must watch how I speak to her and treat her. If I want to teach others how to give, then I must demonstrate giving with my time, support, and finances.
I’ll be the first to admit that this is hard. Those closest to me know that I have just as many failures as successes. I don’t always choose my words carefully. My Irish temper flares up at inopportune moments. I don't call when I should. I worry over money and want to cling tight to every dollar. I fall asleep at night angry at my wife over an insignificant slight.
I get tired and run down and make mistakes…
… but I’m learning that mistakes are ok. I hold myself to a high standard, but I quit beating myself up when I stumble. Life is most enjoyable when we plug ourselves into the messiness of human relationships. I experience the anxiety of “the fear of failure,” but I will choose to step to the front and lead with passion and noble character.
If I want to teach, I must do so by example. If I want to lead, I must reach a person’s heart. Most of the time, this means that I have step away from what is safe and become someone who initiates. At work, I have to leave the sanctuary of my office and engage my fellow employees and customers. At home, I have to put down my (guitar, computer, book, TV remote, etc.) and spend time interacting with my kids. In my marriage, I have to quit waiting for my wife to arrange time together, and call the sitter myself and set up a date. If I want to develop strong relationships with other Christian men, then I must quit using the excuse that “they never pick up the phone” and start making contact.
And as I engage, I must set the example. If I want to create a culture of excellence at work, I have to return phone calls and emails promptly, treat people fairly and with respect, and be in early and stay late. If at home, I want my kids to treat my wife with respect, then I must watch how I speak to her and treat her. If I want to teach others how to give, then I must demonstrate giving with my time, support, and finances.
I’ll be the first to admit that this is hard. Those closest to me know that I have just as many failures as successes. I don’t always choose my words carefully. My Irish temper flares up at inopportune moments. I don't call when I should. I worry over money and want to cling tight to every dollar. I fall asleep at night angry at my wife over an insignificant slight.
I get tired and run down and make mistakes…
… but I’m learning that mistakes are ok. I hold myself to a high standard, but I quit beating myself up when I stumble. Life is most enjoyable when we plug ourselves into the messiness of human relationships. I experience the anxiety of “the fear of failure,” but I will choose to step to the front and lead with passion and noble character.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Don't Insult Me Mr. President
I read a news article this morning that really frustrated me. President Bush was in Saudi Arabia talking about their increase in oil production by 300,000 barrels a day. Although he praised their decision, he also states that:
"Our problem in America gets solved when we aggressively go for domestic exploration. Our problem in America gets solved if we expand our refining capacity, promote nuclear energy and continue our strategy for the advancing of alternative energies as well as conservation."
Talk about too little too late. Where have you been for eight years Mr. President? It’s not like our energy crisis is a new issue. I would argue that the biggest issue of your second term has been your lack of a solid energy policy that could have been used to sustain our country for the next generation. You say all the right things, but you’ve allowed our energy policy to have an extremely negative impact on our economy.
No one in Washington, including you Mr. President, seems to understand your average American’s problems. We’re nervous, maybe even a bit scared. We’re struggling month to month to make ends meet. Sure, I can afford gas today (barely) and afford to feed my family. But what about tomorrow? Your average American has seen how quickly prices can change. We’re starting to realize how little control we have over how much we have to pay, not for the niceties of life like Starbucks coffee, but for the essentials like gas, bread, milk, eggs, etc.
Making the effort to understand what’s got your average American worried means that you care about our country. And when you care about the country, you develop a plan to fix the problems. No one in Washington, not the Republicans or the Democrats, care enough to actually do something beyond arguing about who’s at fault.
Don’t come across Mr. President like you care or like you have answers. You insult me when you speak to me that way. Your eight years have passed and we’ve not increased our domestic energy capacity in any way.
The only thing that’s happened in the last eight years of your pitiful term is that our country is in debt like never before, gas prices have skyrocketed, and oil companies are seeing record profits.
‘Nuff said.
"Our problem in America gets solved when we aggressively go for domestic exploration. Our problem in America gets solved if we expand our refining capacity, promote nuclear energy and continue our strategy for the advancing of alternative energies as well as conservation."
Talk about too little too late. Where have you been for eight years Mr. President? It’s not like our energy crisis is a new issue. I would argue that the biggest issue of your second term has been your lack of a solid energy policy that could have been used to sustain our country for the next generation. You say all the right things, but you’ve allowed our energy policy to have an extremely negative impact on our economy.
No one in Washington, including you Mr. President, seems to understand your average American’s problems. We’re nervous, maybe even a bit scared. We’re struggling month to month to make ends meet. Sure, I can afford gas today (barely) and afford to feed my family. But what about tomorrow? Your average American has seen how quickly prices can change. We’re starting to realize how little control we have over how much we have to pay, not for the niceties of life like Starbucks coffee, but for the essentials like gas, bread, milk, eggs, etc.
Making the effort to understand what’s got your average American worried means that you care about our country. And when you care about the country, you develop a plan to fix the problems. No one in Washington, not the Republicans or the Democrats, care enough to actually do something beyond arguing about who’s at fault.
Don’t come across Mr. President like you care or like you have answers. You insult me when you speak to me that way. Your eight years have passed and we’ve not increased our domestic energy capacity in any way.
The only thing that’s happened in the last eight years of your pitiful term is that our country is in debt like never before, gas prices have skyrocketed, and oil companies are seeing record profits.
‘Nuff said.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Those Who Lead
“Popularity is not leadership. Leadership is taking a position, drawing fire, ducking bullets – then fighting back. You do that and people will follow you.” Richard Marcinko in “Leadership Secrets of the Rogue Warrior.”
Here’s something that I think is a natural progression for men. The older we get, the more people look to us for help and guidance. God askes us to lead our families. Our young kids turn into teenagers who need emotionally strong fathers. We work our way into positions of management in our industry. We become more involved in our communities and our churches.
Life presents us with tough questions. Many factors have to be considered. The answers aren't always obvious. Hard decisions have to be made.
I'm not used to this. I grew up keeping myself distanced from others; isolated physically and emotionally. In my marriage for example, Marybeth has struggled with a husband who pulled away. She's lived with a man who's didn't communicate his deeper thoughts and feelings. What she needs is a husband who steps in and engages. What she and every wife deserves is a man she can rely on to partner with her during difficult times.
Another problem for me is the self confidence leadership requires. I hear questions inside my head like, “Do I really have what it takes to be a good father? Does my employer really need me? Do I really bring value to my job?” Voices from my past suck the life out of my soul and try and pull me into cold, dark water. I know I must fight to reach the surface. I want to feel the warm sun on my face and draw in the fresh ocean air.
I break free from my past and remind myself how fortunate I am to be in this place. I have more then I deserve. I have my wife and my kids. I enjoy my work. I love pouring myself into those around me. I get to teach. I get to develop relationships and build up others.
I think the questions and doubts I have will always remain. I’ll always wonder if I “have what it takes.” I’ll always struggle with my personal insecurities. The difference now is that I’m learning to shrug off my fears. I’m stepping to the front lines where the battle is fierce.
It's where I’m needed the most.
Here’s something that I think is a natural progression for men. The older we get, the more people look to us for help and guidance. God askes us to lead our families. Our young kids turn into teenagers who need emotionally strong fathers. We work our way into positions of management in our industry. We become more involved in our communities and our churches.
Life presents us with tough questions. Many factors have to be considered. The answers aren't always obvious. Hard decisions have to be made.
I'm not used to this. I grew up keeping myself distanced from others; isolated physically and emotionally. In my marriage for example, Marybeth has struggled with a husband who pulled away. She's lived with a man who's didn't communicate his deeper thoughts and feelings. What she needs is a husband who steps in and engages. What she and every wife deserves is a man she can rely on to partner with her during difficult times.
Another problem for me is the self confidence leadership requires. I hear questions inside my head like, “Do I really have what it takes to be a good father? Does my employer really need me? Do I really bring value to my job?” Voices from my past suck the life out of my soul and try and pull me into cold, dark water. I know I must fight to reach the surface. I want to feel the warm sun on my face and draw in the fresh ocean air.
I break free from my past and remind myself how fortunate I am to be in this place. I have more then I deserve. I have my wife and my kids. I enjoy my work. I love pouring myself into those around me. I get to teach. I get to develop relationships and build up others.
I think the questions and doubts I have will always remain. I’ll always wonder if I “have what it takes.” I’ll always struggle with my personal insecurities. The difference now is that I’m learning to shrug off my fears. I’m stepping to the front lines where the battle is fierce.
It's where I’m needed the most.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
I'm Just Asking...
How do you treat others? What do you say about them? How do you behave around those that you know have problems? Do you talk about them? Do you make fun of them behind their back? What about people that you disagree with? Do you sabatoge them? Are you critical of them when only your "close friends" are listening?
What if someone came to you and admitted a serious problem in their life? What if they admitted a problem with their marriage? What if they took off their mask and were honest with you? What if they admitted a personal sin like they were yelling at their kids all the time? How would you react?
Would your reaction change if the admission were sexual in nature?
How about if they needed help with a serious financial problem? Would you secretly gloat in their mistake pretending to care? Or would you help them and pray for them and make yourself available to them for as long as it took to fix the problem?
What would you do? How would you act?
What does it mean to love your brother as yourself?
I'm just asking...
What if someone came to you and admitted a serious problem in their life? What if they admitted a problem with their marriage? What if they took off their mask and were honest with you? What if they admitted a personal sin like they were yelling at their kids all the time? How would you react?
Would your reaction change if the admission were sexual in nature?
How about if they needed help with a serious financial problem? Would you secretly gloat in their mistake pretending to care? Or would you help them and pray for them and make yourself available to them for as long as it took to fix the problem?
What would you do? How would you act?
What does it mean to love your brother as yourself?
I'm just asking...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Repeat This With Me
Sing this with me over and over until you can fully embrace the words.
"Lord I'm amazed by You...
Lord I'm amazed by You...
Lord I'm amazed by You... and how You love me..."
One of my favorite times of the day is late at night after my kids have fallen asleep. I'll quietly go upstairs and into each of there rooms and stare at them. I pray for them too, but mostly, I just stare at their faces and touch their hair and let real life sink in. Real life isn't all the things I can do out in the world when I leave my wife and kids. Real life is in front of me sleeping peacefully. Real life is rolled up in their covers in their beds, lost in the precious dreams only children can have.
It hurts to stare at them that way. Love swells in my heart and I want to pick them up and hold and protect them for an eternity.
Those times are also special because the whole father-child love thing gets turned around and I become very aware of how much God loves me. All of my self doubts melt away and I feel God loving on me the way I love on my kids.
I sang that song tonight with some very special friends. Near the end, the words got stuck in my throat and I felt God whispering the song in my heart. He separates me from my past, covers my shame, and simply embraces me.
"Lord I'm amazed by You...
Lord I'm amazed by You...
Lord I'm amazed by You... and how You love me..."
"Lord I'm amazed by You...
Lord I'm amazed by You...
Lord I'm amazed by You... and how You love me..."
One of my favorite times of the day is late at night after my kids have fallen asleep. I'll quietly go upstairs and into each of there rooms and stare at them. I pray for them too, but mostly, I just stare at their faces and touch their hair and let real life sink in. Real life isn't all the things I can do out in the world when I leave my wife and kids. Real life is in front of me sleeping peacefully. Real life is rolled up in their covers in their beds, lost in the precious dreams only children can have.
It hurts to stare at them that way. Love swells in my heart and I want to pick them up and hold and protect them for an eternity.
Those times are also special because the whole father-child love thing gets turned around and I become very aware of how much God loves me. All of my self doubts melt away and I feel God loving on me the way I love on my kids.
I sang that song tonight with some very special friends. Near the end, the words got stuck in my throat and I felt God whispering the song in my heart. He separates me from my past, covers my shame, and simply embraces me.
"Lord I'm amazed by You...
Lord I'm amazed by You...
Lord I'm amazed by You... and how You love me..."
Pour It On
There is a story in 2 Kings 4 about God helping a poor widow. Our Pastor mentioned it this Sunday. The widow came to the prophet Elisha begging for help. Her husband, a good man who served the Lord faithfully, had recently died and left her with many debts. Creditors were coming to take her sons away as slaves to pay the debt.
God gave Elisha a way to fix the problem and the widow faithfully obeyed his instructions. God took the little bit of oil the woman owned and multiplied it by her big faith. God literally poured out His blessing on her. The widow was able to sell the oil God provided, pay off all her debts, and live on what was left over.
There are times when God pours it on. Help seems to fall from the sky like manna from Heaven.
Three things from this passage stand out. First, the widow didn't keep her problems to herself. Her situation was desperate. Her sons were about to be taken away forever. Instead of hiding behind her shame, she humbled herself and asked someone for help. For years, I hid our family’s financial problems from others. I kept telling myself that I would get a handle on things and be able to turn things around. The opposite happened and Marybeth and I slid deeper and deeper in debt. It was only when I began reaching out to others and admitted that I didn’t have the answer that I started learning what I needed to know to begin turning things around.
The passage also demonstrates the widow's unquestioning faith. Elisha asked her to do something strange. She only had a tiny bit of oil, but Elisha told her to get all the jars she could collect. Don’t you think this sounded really strange to her? Can you imagine the response from her neighbors? Can you imagine the stares and comments she got as she went from house to house to collect the jars? But the widow ignored the opinion of others, stuck it out, and was obedient to what God was asking her to do. Marybeth and I have found that getting out of debt requires a commitment and strategy that many of our friends and neighbors didn’t understand. Many times in our journey, the reaction from others was harder to live with then the actual step we were taking to fix our problems.
The last thing that stands out is that God gave the widow just enough. She was able to collect the exact number of jars she needed to get just enough oil to pay off her debts. She even had just enough left over to live on. Even during the hardest part of our financial journey, Marybeth and I have always had just enough. We’ve had just enough to feed and clothe our kids. We’ve had just enough to pay cash to fix things that have broken down. Unexpected things would happen to help us. Unexpected monies would show up that helped us through lean times. People would help in unexpected ways. God was always present, always helping, always bringing us just enough.
The widow brought a desperate situation to God and he poured it on. What feels desperate in your life? What are the glass jars that God's asking you to collect? Could it be that He's just waiting for you to take one small step of faith, one small act of obedience, before He pours out His love on you and provides just enough?
God gave Elisha a way to fix the problem and the widow faithfully obeyed his instructions. God took the little bit of oil the woman owned and multiplied it by her big faith. God literally poured out His blessing on her. The widow was able to sell the oil God provided, pay off all her debts, and live on what was left over.
There are times when God pours it on. Help seems to fall from the sky like manna from Heaven.
Three things from this passage stand out. First, the widow didn't keep her problems to herself. Her situation was desperate. Her sons were about to be taken away forever. Instead of hiding behind her shame, she humbled herself and asked someone for help. For years, I hid our family’s financial problems from others. I kept telling myself that I would get a handle on things and be able to turn things around. The opposite happened and Marybeth and I slid deeper and deeper in debt. It was only when I began reaching out to others and admitted that I didn’t have the answer that I started learning what I needed to know to begin turning things around.
The passage also demonstrates the widow's unquestioning faith. Elisha asked her to do something strange. She only had a tiny bit of oil, but Elisha told her to get all the jars she could collect. Don’t you think this sounded really strange to her? Can you imagine the response from her neighbors? Can you imagine the stares and comments she got as she went from house to house to collect the jars? But the widow ignored the opinion of others, stuck it out, and was obedient to what God was asking her to do. Marybeth and I have found that getting out of debt requires a commitment and strategy that many of our friends and neighbors didn’t understand. Many times in our journey, the reaction from others was harder to live with then the actual step we were taking to fix our problems.
The last thing that stands out is that God gave the widow just enough. She was able to collect the exact number of jars she needed to get just enough oil to pay off her debts. She even had just enough left over to live on. Even during the hardest part of our financial journey, Marybeth and I have always had just enough. We’ve had just enough to feed and clothe our kids. We’ve had just enough to pay cash to fix things that have broken down. Unexpected things would happen to help us. Unexpected monies would show up that helped us through lean times. People would help in unexpected ways. God was always present, always helping, always bringing us just enough.
The widow brought a desperate situation to God and he poured it on. What feels desperate in your life? What are the glass jars that God's asking you to collect? Could it be that He's just waiting for you to take one small step of faith, one small act of obedience, before He pours out His love on you and provides just enough?
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