There are times when life seems to spin out of control. Marybeth and I were talking last night about all the unexpected expenses we’ve had – unexpected medical bills, a washing machine that gave up the ghost, a car that needs new tires, and Christmas right around the corner. “One step up and two steps back….”
It exhausts me.
I’m also bad about comparing myself to others. We don’t have as nice of a house as I wish we had. (Or as big!) Our cars are old. Our kids aren’t wearing the latest fashions and don’t have all the gadgets that they hear about from their friends. It seems like I’m always having to tell them “no.”
I struggle a lot with this. At times I have this image of God being more like a politician doling out special favors and funds to those in his favor. I don’t make the first cut… or even the second or third, and am lucky to get a few leftovers.
It goes strait to my deepest insecurities. I’m not man enough to adequately provide for my family.
Before I know it, all of this has turned to anger and I’m shaking my fist at Heaven and screaming “WHY?!?!”
But then something will come along and smack me back to my senses. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and this year I have much to be thankful for.
I have a wonderful wife who has spent 16 years demonstrating God’s grace towards me when I least deserved it. For my wife, I say “thank you.”
I have six kids that I’m crazy about. They’re all healthy and hug me and tell me that they love me. For my children, I say “thank you.”
I have a good job that God brought to me out of the blue. I’m able to give to my church and provide for my family and help others every once in a while. For my job, I say “thank you.”
I have a church where people far from God can come and worship in peace. For my church and for all the churches out there where the pastors sacrifice daily to bless their flock, I say thank you.
I live in a land where I am free. Men like my Grandfather traveled to far off lands and gave their lives to protect that right. For my Grandfather and for all the men who didn’t return from their journey, I thank you.
And the one that brings a lump to my throat. For my God who left His home in Heaven and journeyed to this world to save me from the death that I deserved, I fall to my knees and whisper.
“I thank you.”
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
"My Daddy Come Back?"
A few months ago, Marybeth and I found out that she had an opportunity to go on a cruise down in the gulf coast. Everything was paid for, including the airfair. She was pretty excited, and I promised that we’d work out all the details so that she could go. One of the biggest challenges was child care for our 2 year old. (The other kids are in school most of the day.) But God helped with that last detail. One of Marybeth’s friends told her of a local church that had a good mother’s morning out program. When Marybeth called, they turned out to have one last spot! I would be able to take our 2 year old while MB was away and have a good half day to work.
Our 2 year old has always gone to her class at church without any problems, but last Thursday morning as I was dropping her off, her little eyes began to tear up. I can be stern and insensitive to a fault, but that morning I walked over and picked her up and held her. After a few minutes I looked her in the eyes and asked, “Does Daddy always come back?” She slowly nodded up and down and then laid her head back down on my shoulder. A
fter another minute went by, she rose up to look at me and said, “Mommy come back? My Mommy come back?”
Sort of a spiritual tangent, but there’s a little boy inside who asks the same question. “My Daddy come back?” Shane and Shane has a song called “Be Near” about the human heart’s desire to know more about God then what we read from a page. Jesus had to leave, and for 2,000 years, we’ve struggled with the desire to feel his physical embrace. “Your nearness is to us our good…” I want to touch his wounds and worship on my knees at his feet with my arms wrapped around his ankles.
I stayed for a few more minutes in my daughter’s classroom and held her. I repeated over and over that Daddy was coming back, and after a while, she was ok with me leaving.
“My Daddy always comes back.” It’s a promise my little girl can count on. And it’s a promise that God has given me. One day our hearts will be made whole because our Father in Heaven will have returned. No more pain. No more suffering. No more questions.
God loves us and is coming back to get us. And for this I will give my thanks.
Our 2 year old has always gone to her class at church without any problems, but last Thursday morning as I was dropping her off, her little eyes began to tear up. I can be stern and insensitive to a fault, but that morning I walked over and picked her up and held her. After a few minutes I looked her in the eyes and asked, “Does Daddy always come back?” She slowly nodded up and down and then laid her head back down on my shoulder. A
fter another minute went by, she rose up to look at me and said, “Mommy come back? My Mommy come back?”
Sort of a spiritual tangent, but there’s a little boy inside who asks the same question. “My Daddy come back?” Shane and Shane has a song called “Be Near” about the human heart’s desire to know more about God then what we read from a page. Jesus had to leave, and for 2,000 years, we’ve struggled with the desire to feel his physical embrace. “Your nearness is to us our good…” I want to touch his wounds and worship on my knees at his feet with my arms wrapped around his ankles.
I stayed for a few more minutes in my daughter’s classroom and held her. I repeated over and over that Daddy was coming back, and after a while, she was ok with me leaving.
“My Daddy always comes back.” It’s a promise my little girl can count on. And it’s a promise that God has given me. One day our hearts will be made whole because our Father in Heaven will have returned. No more pain. No more suffering. No more questions.
God loves us and is coming back to get us. And for this I will give my thanks.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Overpowering Grace
I'm a wretched, horrible person. All my life I've struggled with falling short. Mistakes from my past haunt me - recurring bad dreams that wake me in the night and leave me praying for forgetfulness.
In a search to find relief, I ran to the institution of the church. I tried different means of sanctification. I became the "big brother" in the story of the Prodigal Son, thinking that my righteousness would help me rise above my sinfulness. Good would cancel out bad and set me right with God. The guise of holiness became a costume that I put on in my make-believe world of saved by knowledge and works.
But my sinfulness always caught up with me, and self hatred became overwhelming.
Luke 15 is my favorite chapter in the Bible because it is the story of my life. In the presence of horrible sinners - prostitues and tax collectors, the worst of the worst - Jesus describes a God who's love seeks out the lost and the brokenhearted. The shepherd leaves the flock of 99 in search of the lost lamb. The woman looks in every nook and cranny searching for her lost coin. The father keeps a constant eye on the horizon looking for his younger son, and runs to greet him when he spots him at a great distance away.
The father's joy is overwhelming - a son who had been given up for dead is returning home! The young man begins to offer apologies and is prepared for a life of servitude, but words aren't necessary. The father's love radiates out of the pages into our hearts. Forgiveness, however undeserved, is instantaneous. Everyone is summoned, a feast is prepared, and a celebration begins!
In a world where we're taught that we must save ourselves and build lives of perfection, God offers us all a free gift of holy grace. The big brother, the institution of the church that preaches angry righteousness and exclusivity, stands corrected by the one who matters most. God's forgiveness and free gift of grace, the sacrifice he made on Calvary, is what Jesus begs us to understand.
The story of the prodigal is the story for us all. God's never-ending pursuit of the lost is our only hope.
And so I swallow my pride and push down my fears. On bended knee, I raise my arms to Heaven and put my trust in a free gift of amazing grace. My Father, who loves me passionately, throws his cloak over me covering me in his righteousness. He wraps his arm around my shoulder in tender affection.
We turn away from the memory of my past and begin our walk towards a new life. An ugly, wretched, sinful man makes his way home.
In a search to find relief, I ran to the institution of the church. I tried different means of sanctification. I became the "big brother" in the story of the Prodigal Son, thinking that my righteousness would help me rise above my sinfulness. Good would cancel out bad and set me right with God. The guise of holiness became a costume that I put on in my make-believe world of saved by knowledge and works.
But my sinfulness always caught up with me, and self hatred became overwhelming.
Luke 15 is my favorite chapter in the Bible because it is the story of my life. In the presence of horrible sinners - prostitues and tax collectors, the worst of the worst - Jesus describes a God who's love seeks out the lost and the brokenhearted. The shepherd leaves the flock of 99 in search of the lost lamb. The woman looks in every nook and cranny searching for her lost coin. The father keeps a constant eye on the horizon looking for his younger son, and runs to greet him when he spots him at a great distance away.
The father's joy is overwhelming - a son who had been given up for dead is returning home! The young man begins to offer apologies and is prepared for a life of servitude, but words aren't necessary. The father's love radiates out of the pages into our hearts. Forgiveness, however undeserved, is instantaneous. Everyone is summoned, a feast is prepared, and a celebration begins!
In a world where we're taught that we must save ourselves and build lives of perfection, God offers us all a free gift of holy grace. The big brother, the institution of the church that preaches angry righteousness and exclusivity, stands corrected by the one who matters most. God's forgiveness and free gift of grace, the sacrifice he made on Calvary, is what Jesus begs us to understand.
The story of the prodigal is the story for us all. God's never-ending pursuit of the lost is our only hope.
And so I swallow my pride and push down my fears. On bended knee, I raise my arms to Heaven and put my trust in a free gift of amazing grace. My Father, who loves me passionately, throws his cloak over me covering me in his righteousness. He wraps his arm around my shoulder in tender affection.
We turn away from the memory of my past and begin our walk towards a new life. An ugly, wretched, sinful man makes his way home.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Upcoming Election
These figures are from an article that ran in today's Charlotte Observer. Charlotte-area average price for a gallon of regular gas on Nov. 8:
• 2001: $1.14
• 2002: $1.38
• 2003: $1.42
• 2004: $1.94
• 2005: $2.49
• 2006: $2.16
• 2007: $3.03
Does that make you as sick as it makes me?
As we move into the next presidential election, I'm giving serious consideration to how I might change how I vote. I've always been a registrered Republican, but after 8 years of George W. Bush (which included 6 years of a Republican controlled congress) we have an economy that is on the brink of recession, gas prices that have almost tripled in only six years (maybe there was truth to the "big oil" thing?), and a national debt that's been higher then ever before (we're in the trillions.) I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to get rid of George.
That raises the question...what the HECK has happened to the Republican Party? (Guys, are you LISTENING???)
Of course, I look on the other side of the isle and see one candidate who wants to create a communist amerika (Hillary) another candidate who won't salute the American flag (Obama, yes I have seen the picture) and running a distant third, our own NC Brett boy.
Sort of makes your average joe just want to say home.
• 2001: $1.14
• 2002: $1.38
• 2003: $1.42
• 2004: $1.94
• 2005: $2.49
• 2006: $2.16
• 2007: $3.03
Does that make you as sick as it makes me?
As we move into the next presidential election, I'm giving serious consideration to how I might change how I vote. I've always been a registrered Republican, but after 8 years of George W. Bush (which included 6 years of a Republican controlled congress) we have an economy that is on the brink of recession, gas prices that have almost tripled in only six years (maybe there was truth to the "big oil" thing?), and a national debt that's been higher then ever before (we're in the trillions.) I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to get rid of George.
That raises the question...what the HECK has happened to the Republican Party? (Guys, are you LISTENING???)
Of course, I look on the other side of the isle and see one candidate who wants to create a communist amerika (Hillary) another candidate who won't salute the American flag (Obama, yes I have seen the picture) and running a distant third, our own NC Brett boy.
Sort of makes your average joe just want to say home.
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