I experienced something tonight that reminded me of a quote I recently read in "Band of Brothers" by Stephen E. Ambrose. It's a story of Easy Company - one of the Army's best paratrooper divisions. The story tells of the training the men experienced together, their D-Day drop into Normandy, and of their other battles in WWII.
One of their toughtest periods is from December 19 to December 31, 1944. Easy Company is part of the defense of Bastogne. It's a small town where many roadways pass through, making it a key strategic objective of the Germans. The Allied commanders have said that Bastogne must be held at all costs, and the men of the 101st Division are dug in with little ammo, little food, and no winter clothings in weather that was constantly below freezing. To make matters even worse, they were completely surrounded by 15 German divisions who were continually shelling their position.
The Easy Company scrapbook has this to say about the state of the mind of one of the soldiers at that time:
"We weren't particualaryly elated at being here. Rumors are that Krauts are everywhere and hitting hard. Farthest from your mind is the thought of falling back. In fact it isn't there at all And so you dig your foxhole carefully and deeep, and wait, not for that mythical super man, but for the enemy you had beaten twice before and will again. You look first to the left, then right, at your buddies also preparing. You feel confident with Bill over there. You know you can depend on him"
I am in a war. The forces of darkness wish for the death of all that I believe in and all that I stand for. So I must fight. I must go out into battle leading the way for those that God has placed in my protection and care. The enemy is everywhere and hitting hard. But I can't quit. I can't give up.
Tonight, as I looked to my left and then to my right, I was reminded that I'm not alone. My brothers are fighting along side of me. Their courage gives me strength. I know that I can depend o them.
I will fight next to them and protect them. And will thank God for them.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Financial Mismanagement and Abuse
Can you handle some honesty? I was listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast this morning and heard a caller describe a situation in his marriage that reminded me of myself.
Here's a glimpse of something ugly in our marriage that's from the past.
There was a time when I was using finances to control my wife. It bordered on abuse. I maintained absolute control over our checkbook. I set up a budget and dictated to Marybeth what money she had to spend. When there wasn't enough to spread around, I came down on her pretty hard about her inability to manage the money that I "gave" her to buy food, clothes, gas, etc. I was the "man of the house" and didn't want her to tell me what I could or couldn't do.
Over time, as our finances went from bad to worse, my controlling nature got stronger, and my reactions, internal and external, got more intense. Marybeth grew more and more resentful of our financial situation and of me (rightfully so.) She grew more and more distant from me emotionally and physically. At the time, I would have told you that I was trying to protect her from having to shoulder the problem that our finances had become. In reality, I was prideful and controlling.
It took years for me to understand my need to change my behavior and my mindset. I had to accept the fact that my pride and desire to control was responsible for our finances becoming such a problem. Doing things "my way" and maintaining absolute control caused huge problems with our money, and almost cost me my marriage. God used some specific periods of trial to help me learn to treasure my wife (no pun intended.) It took me nearly losing everything to realize just how important her thoughts and ideas are. Nearly losing everything humbled me to the point of reaching out to her for help instead of stiff-arming her to keep her away.
I learned a valuable lesson. A husband leads not by controlling and dictating, but by humbly submitting and supporting. To regain her trust, I had to open up my heart to let my wife see my fears and failures. As her trust began to grow, we talked more. Instead of seeing each other as opponents, we began to become a team.
As a team we worked through budget categories together. As a team we solved problems together. As a team we became stronger.
As a team we will fight back the fears and struggles of this life. As a team we will survive.
Here's a glimpse of something ugly in our marriage that's from the past.
There was a time when I was using finances to control my wife. It bordered on abuse. I maintained absolute control over our checkbook. I set up a budget and dictated to Marybeth what money she had to spend. When there wasn't enough to spread around, I came down on her pretty hard about her inability to manage the money that I "gave" her to buy food, clothes, gas, etc. I was the "man of the house" and didn't want her to tell me what I could or couldn't do.
Over time, as our finances went from bad to worse, my controlling nature got stronger, and my reactions, internal and external, got more intense. Marybeth grew more and more resentful of our financial situation and of me (rightfully so.) She grew more and more distant from me emotionally and physically. At the time, I would have told you that I was trying to protect her from having to shoulder the problem that our finances had become. In reality, I was prideful and controlling.
It took years for me to understand my need to change my behavior and my mindset. I had to accept the fact that my pride and desire to control was responsible for our finances becoming such a problem. Doing things "my way" and maintaining absolute control caused huge problems with our money, and almost cost me my marriage. God used some specific periods of trial to help me learn to treasure my wife (no pun intended.) It took me nearly losing everything to realize just how important her thoughts and ideas are. Nearly losing everything humbled me to the point of reaching out to her for help instead of stiff-arming her to keep her away.
I learned a valuable lesson. A husband leads not by controlling and dictating, but by humbly submitting and supporting. To regain her trust, I had to open up my heart to let my wife see my fears and failures. As her trust began to grow, we talked more. Instead of seeing each other as opponents, we began to become a team.
As a team we worked through budget categories together. As a team we solved problems together. As a team we became stronger.
As a team we will fight back the fears and struggles of this life. As a team we will survive.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
A Song For Sunday
Hillsong United - Till I See You
The greatest Love that anyone could ever know
It overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
Until I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You...
I will live to love You...
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Grace Centered Parenting
I am a control freak. I think most guys are. The thought of losing control of the "life" going on around me produces fear, anxiety, and stress. I have a history of trying to manipulate my environment to have things happen the way that I want them to happen. I want life to be predictable. It's an illusion that I've needed to maintain.
My need to control has spilled over into raising my children. As a new parent I wanted to manufacture an environment where my kids behaved a certain way and responded to me the way that I dictated. It wasn’t until our third child was born that this began to change. From the minute he was born, he couldn’t breathe or eat in any way on his own. It took direct medical intervention to keep him alive. He was helpless in every sense of the word. For the first time in my life, there was something horribly wrong that I couldn't fix.
It took two years for him to grow out of his condition. During this time, I was continually challenged by God to “unlearn” my controlling habits.
There were moments when God needed a hammer to help me understand. At 15 months our son still wasn’t eating by mouth. Marybeth and I were running out of options. The doctors said that if it didn’t change very soon we were going to have to send him and Marybeth to a medical facility in Philadelphia. They would have to stay for as long as it took for him to learn to eat. Faced with an impossible situation (the expense was outrageous, I would have had to try and keep up with a demanding full time job and raise two kids alone) that I had no control over (I couldn't force him to eat) someone suggested we turn the situation over to God. (I know, "duh.") Church groups all over Charlotte began praying specifically for him to start eating by mouth.
Miracles still happen. He began eating within the week. And it was like God was up in Heaven begging, “Curt, It's ok for life to get messy. Just have faith in me. Let go and trust me…”
Ten years later, I still struggle. But I’ve learned that absolute control stifles a beautiful creativity that God wove into the hearts and souls of man. I’ve learned that I must try and create an environment where my kids live in the freedom to be who God wants them to be. I encourage them in non-verbal ways to push their creative envelopes without fear of my reprisal so they may learn and grow.
Removing fear is the most important element. Don’t hear me wrong, I’m not my children’s friend. I’m still their parent and still in authority over them. I have rules for their safety that they must obey. They don’t get to stay up until midnight just because they don’t want to go to sleep. But our home environment must be centered around selfless love. Deep love. Life giving love. Grace-filled love. Love that doesn’t focus on structuring or goal setting just to maintain my illusion of control over my kid’s lives.
It's the freedom to question and explore the world around them that creates an environment where my children can develop into the kind of men and women that God designed them to be.
My need to control has spilled over into raising my children. As a new parent I wanted to manufacture an environment where my kids behaved a certain way and responded to me the way that I dictated. It wasn’t until our third child was born that this began to change. From the minute he was born, he couldn’t breathe or eat in any way on his own. It took direct medical intervention to keep him alive. He was helpless in every sense of the word. For the first time in my life, there was something horribly wrong that I couldn't fix.
It took two years for him to grow out of his condition. During this time, I was continually challenged by God to “unlearn” my controlling habits.
There were moments when God needed a hammer to help me understand. At 15 months our son still wasn’t eating by mouth. Marybeth and I were running out of options. The doctors said that if it didn’t change very soon we were going to have to send him and Marybeth to a medical facility in Philadelphia. They would have to stay for as long as it took for him to learn to eat. Faced with an impossible situation (the expense was outrageous, I would have had to try and keep up with a demanding full time job and raise two kids alone) that I had no control over (I couldn't force him to eat) someone suggested we turn the situation over to God. (I know, "duh.") Church groups all over Charlotte began praying specifically for him to start eating by mouth.
Miracles still happen. He began eating within the week. And it was like God was up in Heaven begging, “Curt, It's ok for life to get messy. Just have faith in me. Let go and trust me…”
Ten years later, I still struggle. But I’ve learned that absolute control stifles a beautiful creativity that God wove into the hearts and souls of man. I’ve learned that I must try and create an environment where my kids live in the freedom to be who God wants them to be. I encourage them in non-verbal ways to push their creative envelopes without fear of my reprisal so they may learn and grow.
Removing fear is the most important element. Don’t hear me wrong, I’m not my children’s friend. I’m still their parent and still in authority over them. I have rules for their safety that they must obey. They don’t get to stay up until midnight just because they don’t want to go to sleep. But our home environment must be centered around selfless love. Deep love. Life giving love. Grace-filled love. Love that doesn’t focus on structuring or goal setting just to maintain my illusion of control over my kid’s lives.
It's the freedom to question and explore the world around them that creates an environment where my children can develop into the kind of men and women that God designed them to be.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Good Old Fashioned Barber Shops
"I want a high-n-tight just like my daddy!" I heard a young boy say this as he hopped up onto the chair today at the local barber shop.
Maybe its the small town guy that I'll always be. I love going to a good old fashioned barber shop. Not one of those Great Clips or "sport oriented" type. I'm talking about the kind of place where the good 'ole boys go and the barber uses clippers and shaves your neck when he's done.
Its a guy thing.
I had a roommate my freshman year at State who came back to our room with a buzzed head and told me about this haircut place across the street from campus. He got a haircut, had his neck shaved, and got a massage... all for $5.75!
I went that afternoon. A Mr. Turnipseed (I'm not kidding) cut my hair. I'll have to admit to being a little nervous when he got out the long razor to shave my neck. Then for about 60 seconds I forgot about dorm rooms and tests and cafeteria food while he used the old fashioned shoulder massager.
Good old barber shops seem to be harder and harder to find. Even I, in the rush of life, run the kids up to Great Clips. Even I have, God forbid, let one of those beauty school graduates cut my hair (no offense.) But it's not my preference.
There's something wholesome about a barber shop. Something important that's hard for a man to put into words. It's the small talk and the men of different generations under one roof and seeing the friend that you haven't seen in months. It's the smell of clipper oil and cheap aftershave. It's the memories of being a little kid in Memphis and going in with my Grandfather and hearing stories from the neighborhood and the talk of sports and politics.
Most times you'll find me in the tiny barber shop in a little town outside of Charlotte. I'm the one sitting in the chair of the older gentleman listening to his stories of grandkids and watching father and son getting their hair cuts together.
I still get a piece of 2 cent bubble gum when I'm done.
Maybe its the small town guy that I'll always be. I love going to a good old fashioned barber shop. Not one of those Great Clips or "sport oriented" type. I'm talking about the kind of place where the good 'ole boys go and the barber uses clippers and shaves your neck when he's done.
Its a guy thing.
I had a roommate my freshman year at State who came back to our room with a buzzed head and told me about this haircut place across the street from campus. He got a haircut, had his neck shaved, and got a massage... all for $5.75!
I went that afternoon. A Mr. Turnipseed (I'm not kidding) cut my hair. I'll have to admit to being a little nervous when he got out the long razor to shave my neck. Then for about 60 seconds I forgot about dorm rooms and tests and cafeteria food while he used the old fashioned shoulder massager.
Good old barber shops seem to be harder and harder to find. Even I, in the rush of life, run the kids up to Great Clips. Even I have, God forbid, let one of those beauty school graduates cut my hair (no offense.) But it's not my preference.
There's something wholesome about a barber shop. Something important that's hard for a man to put into words. It's the small talk and the men of different generations under one roof and seeing the friend that you haven't seen in months. It's the smell of clipper oil and cheap aftershave. It's the memories of being a little kid in Memphis and going in with my Grandfather and hearing stories from the neighborhood and the talk of sports and politics.
Most times you'll find me in the tiny barber shop in a little town outside of Charlotte. I'm the one sitting in the chair of the older gentleman listening to his stories of grandkids and watching father and son getting their hair cuts together.
I still get a piece of 2 cent bubble gum when I'm done.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
I Don't Have Any Answers
I've just finished reading through the book of Job, and something in it really stuck with me. The theme of the book seems to be a reminder of just how limited our earthly perspective is. Job's friends thought they had all the answers. They were insistant that Job had sin in his life that he needed to confess. They were insistant that God was pouring His wrath out onto Job to correct him and teach him some sort of lesson.
But his friends were wrong. God loved Job. He was proud of Job. It was Satan, not God who wanted to crush Job. His friends were 180 degrees off track.
Job knew the truth about his life, but the accusations of his "friends" stung. They were convinced of his guilt and pressured him to repent. Instead of reaching out and loving Job and helping him through a difficult trial, his friends became a tool Satan used as he tried to crush a mighty man of God.
I think we all have something we should learn from this. Our perspective of life is very limited here on earth. We pretend to know all the answers but we don't even understand the question. Instead of loving our brothers and sisters, we condemn them and bruise them and tear them down.
We condemn someone because they're going about this Christian life a little differently then we would. We lash out with our comments and accusations, but we don't know what God is calling this person to do. We don't know God's plans. We don't understand His ways.
We miss the meaningful parts of life if all we're doing is focusing on what others are doing "wrong." While we point our finger in accusation and waste time arguing about meaningless issues, a world around us is hurting and crying out for help.
A single mom cries herself to sleep at night because she's three months behind on her bills and not sure how she's going to buy the diapers she needs for her baby.
A father lies staring up at the ceiling late at night torn up inside because his relationship with his teenage son has deterioted to the point of them yelling at each other.
A husband and wife are giving up on their marriage and giving in to the feeling of hopelessness and despair.
A teenage boy is lashing out because he doesn't know what to do with the anger he feels after his father's death.
Parents cry over broken children.
A man cries because of bad choices he can't seem to stop making.
And on and on it goes...
When will we learn to admit that we don't have all the answers, give up on our pointless arguements, and start taking action?
We know that the only hope this world has lies in Christ. Shouldn't we start sharing that with others by giving away what he so selflessly gave to us?
But his friends were wrong. God loved Job. He was proud of Job. It was Satan, not God who wanted to crush Job. His friends were 180 degrees off track.
Job knew the truth about his life, but the accusations of his "friends" stung. They were convinced of his guilt and pressured him to repent. Instead of reaching out and loving Job and helping him through a difficult trial, his friends became a tool Satan used as he tried to crush a mighty man of God.
I think we all have something we should learn from this. Our perspective of life is very limited here on earth. We pretend to know all the answers but we don't even understand the question. Instead of loving our brothers and sisters, we condemn them and bruise them and tear them down.
We condemn someone because they're going about this Christian life a little differently then we would. We lash out with our comments and accusations, but we don't know what God is calling this person to do. We don't know God's plans. We don't understand His ways.
We miss the meaningful parts of life if all we're doing is focusing on what others are doing "wrong." While we point our finger in accusation and waste time arguing about meaningless issues, a world around us is hurting and crying out for help.
A single mom cries herself to sleep at night because she's three months behind on her bills and not sure how she's going to buy the diapers she needs for her baby.
A father lies staring up at the ceiling late at night torn up inside because his relationship with his teenage son has deterioted to the point of them yelling at each other.
A husband and wife are giving up on their marriage and giving in to the feeling of hopelessness and despair.
A teenage boy is lashing out because he doesn't know what to do with the anger he feels after his father's death.
Parents cry over broken children.
A man cries because of bad choices he can't seem to stop making.
And on and on it goes...
When will we learn to admit that we don't have all the answers, give up on our pointless arguements, and start taking action?
We know that the only hope this world has lies in Christ. Shouldn't we start sharing that with others by giving away what he so selflessly gave to us?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
It's Not What You're Called
"It is not what you're called... it's what you're called to."
- A very wise 15 year old.
I'll always remember the moment everything changed. My friends and I left the fraternity house and went to one of the first "back to school" parties. It was the summer of 1990 and I was in my 5th year at NC State (go Pack!) As my friends and I were walking up from our cars, I saw her standing there in the middle of the party. Her smile caught my eye. And her eyes... and pretty face. I couldn't stop staring.
I felt my world shifting. Everything was about to change. I immediately walked up and said "hello."
At that moment I realized that I had spent my whole life looking and longing for someone that I suddenly found. We stayed up late into the night talking about our future together. We talked about marriage and having children. Four to be exact.
We started talking that night and haven't stopped since.
In August of 1991 we were married. Our oldest child was born in August of 1992. Four kids has turned into six. And along the way we've met some wonderful people and been supported graciously when we needed help. But we've also had to deal with scorn and persecution and ridicule. And for whatever reason, the people who are negative towards me are the ones that have affected me the most. It's taken me years to become secure enough to not let those kind of people bother me the way they used to.
Now I get to enjoy the perspective of hindsight. I can look backwards over the 16 years of our marriage and see things today that I couldn't see then. God was calling my wife and I to something great. He had something big in store for us, and what other people said or thought about us wasn't important.
It's not what others say about us, it's whether we're obedient to what God is asking of us.
If you're feeling persecution for being obedient to a plan that God has spoken into your life, be encouraged. God loves you and is fighting for you.
- A very wise 15 year old.
I'll always remember the moment everything changed. My friends and I left the fraternity house and went to one of the first "back to school" parties. It was the summer of 1990 and I was in my 5th year at NC State (go Pack!) As my friends and I were walking up from our cars, I saw her standing there in the middle of the party. Her smile caught my eye. And her eyes... and pretty face. I couldn't stop staring.
I felt my world shifting. Everything was about to change. I immediately walked up and said "hello."
At that moment I realized that I had spent my whole life looking and longing for someone that I suddenly found. We stayed up late into the night talking about our future together. We talked about marriage and having children. Four to be exact.
We started talking that night and haven't stopped since.
In August of 1991 we were married. Our oldest child was born in August of 1992. Four kids has turned into six. And along the way we've met some wonderful people and been supported graciously when we needed help. But we've also had to deal with scorn and persecution and ridicule. And for whatever reason, the people who are negative towards me are the ones that have affected me the most. It's taken me years to become secure enough to not let those kind of people bother me the way they used to.
Now I get to enjoy the perspective of hindsight. I can look backwards over the 16 years of our marriage and see things today that I couldn't see then. God was calling my wife and I to something great. He had something big in store for us, and what other people said or thought about us wasn't important.
It's not what others say about us, it's whether we're obedient to what God is asking of us.
If you're feeling persecution for being obedient to a plan that God has spoken into your life, be encouraged. God loves you and is fighting for you.
Monday, September 10, 2007
It's Never As Bad As It Seems
It's never as bad as it seems. That's what's been churning around in my brain tonight.
The last few weeks have been rather difficult. We've had expensive, ongoing car problems and large car repair bills hovering over our head. And it seems like every time we slay the head of a house repair, two additional heads pop out.
(Anybody want a good deal on a great house? It has a great personality.)
But today was like a breath of fresh air. A big car repair was only half of what I was initially told. All the wood rot that I found yesterday when I demo'd the back deck isn't going to be as bad as I initially feared. And the problem with the toilet was fixed with a simple trip to Lowes.
(Kuddos to Lowes by the way. They took me at my word and helped me through a problem. I didn't even have to threaten them with losing a customer who's about to buy $2,500 worth of lumber.)
One of the lessons I've learned over the last year is that when I focus on what the problem really is, I'm able to figure out what the solution can be. When you take fear out of your circumstance, things work out.
Hey, that's pretty good. I sound like a preacher man. "When you take fear out, things work out!"
Usually for me the fear is money. I have fear of not being able to take care of my family. I have a fear that I won't be able to buy them the things they need or to fix the things our family relies on. Thinking too much about it creates a high level of anxiety in me. But after living for so many years on nearly half of what I earn now, I learned that there is only one way for me to carry the burdon of being a provider.
Admitting that I can't.
I have to rely completely on God to walk with me through problems. I have to let Him take care of me. I have to stop being afraid and just believe that God is watching over my family. He covers and protects the way His cloud covered the Isrealites as they traveled through the desert.
There's still a lot to do. I don't know where the money will come to fix all the things that have to be fixed. But it will come.
My God is with me.
And won't ever let me go...
The last few weeks have been rather difficult. We've had expensive, ongoing car problems and large car repair bills hovering over our head. And it seems like every time we slay the head of a house repair, two additional heads pop out.
(Anybody want a good deal on a great house? It has a great personality.)
But today was like a breath of fresh air. A big car repair was only half of what I was initially told. All the wood rot that I found yesterday when I demo'd the back deck isn't going to be as bad as I initially feared. And the problem with the toilet was fixed with a simple trip to Lowes.
(Kuddos to Lowes by the way. They took me at my word and helped me through a problem. I didn't even have to threaten them with losing a customer who's about to buy $2,500 worth of lumber.)
One of the lessons I've learned over the last year is that when I focus on what the problem really is, I'm able to figure out what the solution can be. When you take fear out of your circumstance, things work out.
Hey, that's pretty good. I sound like a preacher man. "When you take fear out, things work out!"
Usually for me the fear is money. I have fear of not being able to take care of my family. I have a fear that I won't be able to buy them the things they need or to fix the things our family relies on. Thinking too much about it creates a high level of anxiety in me. But after living for so many years on nearly half of what I earn now, I learned that there is only one way for me to carry the burdon of being a provider.
Admitting that I can't.
I have to rely completely on God to walk with me through problems. I have to let Him take care of me. I have to stop being afraid and just believe that God is watching over my family. He covers and protects the way His cloud covered the Isrealites as they traveled through the desert.
There's still a lot to do. I don't know where the money will come to fix all the things that have to be fixed. But it will come.
My God is with me.
And won't ever let me go...
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Sunday Praise and Worship
May all that we do or say bring glory and honor to our Father and He helps change us from the "inside out."
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