I've always loved music. If we went back in time to my childhood room, you'd find a stack of at least fifty albums. I was a hard rock child of the 80's so we're talking Kiss, Journey, Van Halen, Rush... all the good bands that will never be equaled again.
By the way, albums are these flat, round, plastic things about 10" in diameter that you'd put on something called a record player. The record player would make the album spin, and music would come out of your stereo. Each album usually had ten songs, five on each side. What was really cool was when you had a record player, cassette player, and AM/FM stereo all in one. You could buy blank cassettes and record your albums onto the cassettes and write out labels of all the song names. Those of us who had really sophisticated systems had a double cassette deck and could create mixes of our favorite songs on one cassette by playing on one and recording on the other. We were music geniuses.
The recent iPod phone craze made me think of how much music has changed in 25 years. When I was a kid, I'd take my grass cutting money and pedal up to the local Food Lion grocery store in Matthews and go through their record bin and see what I could find. I remember getting Night Ranger's "Sentimental Street" one Saturday. I pedaled home like a maniac and spent the whole afternoon listening to the songs and singing along.
The thing about albums was that you had to listen all the way through to keep from scratching the record. So you'd let it play through each song, enjoying the great and the not-so-great. Cassettes weren't that much better because to skip a song meant a few minutes of fast forwarding and trying to stop the process at just the right moment. You'd never get it right and would have to go forward and back a few times. It was frustrating. And of course it was only a matter of time before the cassette monster ate your favorite. (You have to be at least 30 to know what I'm talking about.)
This Christmas, after two years of not letting myself indulge, I bought a 30 GB iPod. I love having it, and over the last six months have loaded it up with all my old CD's. I also discovered "podcasting" and get Dave Ramsey's free 1st hour, a daily Bible reading, and pastor's sermons. I've even gotten online and bought individual songs from the iTunes website. No more trips to the local Food Lion.
One of the best features is randomly playing songs from your Ipod's music library. You never know what's coming. It's sort of like listening to a radio station but without having to hear the commercials. You can also pick a specific artist and have their entire list of songs play randomly.
There was just one problem. As I loaded my iPod with songs, I was copying the entire CD. I knew in the back of my head that I didn't really want most of the songs on the CD, but to just pick the one or two I wanted and leave off the others seemed like breaking some sort of sacred music code that I learned growing up. Because of this, as my iPod played randomly, I would hear three or four songs I didn't like for every one song that I enjoyed. It got to the point when I had it playing that I would have to stop whatever I was doing and press the skip button.
For a few months now I've struggled with going in and deleting a lot of the individual songs that I didn't want to hear anymore. This probably sounds goofy to most of you, but all my life I'd done 'music' a certain way and making that kind of change just didn't feel right.
This morning though I did it. I got up a bit early, plugged my iPod into my computer, and started deleting. I went through artist by artist and only kept the songs I knew I'd want to listen to. I broke my sacred music code and two thirds of the songs are now gone.
I had my iPod playing randomly this afternoon and enjoyed using it so much more. I thought about how long it took me to break an old habit. I guess sometimes we have to learn to let go of our past and do things differently so that we can experience and enjoy the way our world has changed around us.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Eight Key Phrases Every Husband Should Be Prepared For
The following was forwarded to me from my wife who got it from a friend. Who knows where these words of wisdom came from. But I quickly recognized the value of understanding these eight phrases. One might even say that learning the proper response to these phrases is key to a successful marriage.
Any husband or husband–to–be… make sure you’re paying attention.
Any wives who might happen to read this… don’t kill the messenger. I’m just trying to help a brother out…
Here we go. The eight most important phrases every husband needs to be listening out for:
Number one. ”FINE”
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Number two. ”Five Minutes”
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Number three. ”Nothing”
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
Number four. ”Go Ahead”
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
Number five. ”Loud Sigh….”
You think this is nothing, but is actually a word in “womanese,” a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
Number six. ”That's Okay”
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Number seven. ”Thanks”
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
And last but not least, number eight. ”Don't worry about it, I got it.”
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong"
(For the woman's response to “what’s wrong?” please refer back to # 3.)
Any husband or husband–to–be… make sure you’re paying attention.
Any wives who might happen to read this… don’t kill the messenger. I’m just trying to help a brother out…
Here we go. The eight most important phrases every husband needs to be listening out for:
Number one. ”FINE”
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
Number two. ”Five Minutes”
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Number three. ”Nothing”
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
Number four. ”Go Ahead”
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
Number five. ”Loud Sigh….”
You think this is nothing, but is actually a word in “womanese,” a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
Number six. ”That's Okay”
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Number seven. ”Thanks”
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
And last but not least, number eight. ”Don't worry about it, I got it.”
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong"
(For the woman's response to “what’s wrong?” please refer back to # 3.)
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Forgive and Focus
I have a hard time with relationships with other people.
It feels sort of funny to say that outloud because I'm rarely alone. My job requires constant interaction with others via meetings, sales calls, phone calls, and email. At home, every time I turn a corner I'm bumping into a kid. I have such an introverted personality that it's a wonder I've not gone nuts. (No comment MB.) There was a time in my life when I could have gotten in my car and driven to the beach and spent weeks alone with my music, books, guitar, running shoes, and swimsuit. I would have been very comfortable by myself.
If I did that today I'd really miss my family. But years ago, I would have loved it.
Maybe that's proof to the agnostic that God exists and can change lives. Or that God has a funny sense of humor. "Ohhhhh, you think you want to live a quiet life of isolation do you???? Ha... watch this!" BAM. Six kids and a job with 50 phone calls a day.
As I've gotten older, I've found that I really enjoy being around other people. But I still have a hard time relating. I don't communicate my feelings well. Having real relationships and being about to process and explain my emotions is hard for me to do. I hold on to things from the past. I'll hear of someone taking something I've said or done out of context and twisting it to their benefit (or sometimes flat out saying something untrue) and get frustrated and angry and pull away.
During a conversation this morning with my wife, I suggested something that I realize I need to apply to my own life.
I need to forgive and to focus.
I need to forgive people. I mean really forgive. Not just because Jesus said "seventy times seven," but because I need to. It's not healthy to hold on to past hurts and the anger that can eat away at your happiness and contentment.
I think that kind of forgiveness requires trying to see a person more like God sees them. Full of faults just like me. I need to recognize that they're trying to limp through this messed up world just like I am. I need to remind myself that I can't expect people to be perfect. I need to remember that God loves them and that He's a God of compassion.
And because of that, I need to love people and demonstrate compassion. Period.
I also need to focus. I need to face the future and figure out how I can grow and create relationships with others that are wholesome and encouraging. I need to focus on reaching out. I need to dig deep into my heart and pull out my real emotions and figure out how to express these things to other people.
What jumps up off the page anytime I read from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John is that Jesus wants us to forget about "status quo" and develop relationships. He blasted those in power because they cared more for their religion then the real needs of the people. He jumped all over the disciples for arguing over who was going to have the greatest ministry, and got on His knees and washed dirty, stinky feet to demonstrate sacrifice. It's as if Jesus knew that to spread the Gospel we needed to love our neighbors, reach out to them, and develop friendships. It's as if He knew that the key component to sharing His message to our world would be to demonstrate God's love, a deep compassionate love, to the people in our lives.
The gospel message is shared from person to person to person. I have to forgive, maybe even forgive myself, and focus on loving others.
It feels sort of funny to say that outloud because I'm rarely alone. My job requires constant interaction with others via meetings, sales calls, phone calls, and email. At home, every time I turn a corner I'm bumping into a kid. I have such an introverted personality that it's a wonder I've not gone nuts. (No comment MB.) There was a time in my life when I could have gotten in my car and driven to the beach and spent weeks alone with my music, books, guitar, running shoes, and swimsuit. I would have been very comfortable by myself.
If I did that today I'd really miss my family. But years ago, I would have loved it.
Maybe that's proof to the agnostic that God exists and can change lives. Or that God has a funny sense of humor. "Ohhhhh, you think you want to live a quiet life of isolation do you???? Ha... watch this!" BAM. Six kids and a job with 50 phone calls a day.
As I've gotten older, I've found that I really enjoy being around other people. But I still have a hard time relating. I don't communicate my feelings well. Having real relationships and being about to process and explain my emotions is hard for me to do. I hold on to things from the past. I'll hear of someone taking something I've said or done out of context and twisting it to their benefit (or sometimes flat out saying something untrue) and get frustrated and angry and pull away.
During a conversation this morning with my wife, I suggested something that I realize I need to apply to my own life.
I need to forgive and to focus.
I need to forgive people. I mean really forgive. Not just because Jesus said "seventy times seven," but because I need to. It's not healthy to hold on to past hurts and the anger that can eat away at your happiness and contentment.
I think that kind of forgiveness requires trying to see a person more like God sees them. Full of faults just like me. I need to recognize that they're trying to limp through this messed up world just like I am. I need to remind myself that I can't expect people to be perfect. I need to remember that God loves them and that He's a God of compassion.
And because of that, I need to love people and demonstrate compassion. Period.
I also need to focus. I need to face the future and figure out how I can grow and create relationships with others that are wholesome and encouraging. I need to focus on reaching out. I need to dig deep into my heart and pull out my real emotions and figure out how to express these things to other people.
What jumps up off the page anytime I read from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John is that Jesus wants us to forget about "status quo" and develop relationships. He blasted those in power because they cared more for their religion then the real needs of the people. He jumped all over the disciples for arguing over who was going to have the greatest ministry, and got on His knees and washed dirty, stinky feet to demonstrate sacrifice. It's as if Jesus knew that to spread the Gospel we needed to love our neighbors, reach out to them, and develop friendships. It's as if He knew that the key component to sharing His message to our world would be to demonstrate God's love, a deep compassionate love, to the people in our lives.
The gospel message is shared from person to person to person. I have to forgive, maybe even forgive myself, and focus on loving others.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Thought for the Day
I'm halfway through my life. In another 39 years I probably won't be around. God has had patience with me for these many years as I struggled to learn what to value.
To love my wife with sacrifice.
To lead selflessly.
To cherish my kids and to hug them and listen to them.
To encourage others.
To smile and say "thank you" to the person behind the counter.
To hold the door open for an older widow.
To be patient and understanding with people.
To recognize that life is a long, slow journey that requires me to look thirty years down the road and envision the man that I want to become when I'm old and gray and laughing with grandkids.
Thank you father for grace...
To love my wife with sacrifice.
To lead selflessly.
To cherish my kids and to hug them and listen to them.
To encourage others.
To smile and say "thank you" to the person behind the counter.
To hold the door open for an older widow.
To be patient and understanding with people.
To recognize that life is a long, slow journey that requires me to look thirty years down the road and envision the man that I want to become when I'm old and gray and laughing with grandkids.
Thank you father for grace...
Friday, June 22, 2007
And One Other Thing...
Ok, two posts in less then 12 hours... this is a new record for me. But I had to say this.
I just got a reminder email from my production team leader at church about helping this Sunday. He works a full time job every week as a chef but devotes his Sundays to leading a team that helps set up and tear down the kid’s ministry. (We meet in a local high school.)
It struck me that he's a man of commitment. And here is my thought. The older I get the more I appreciate and admire a man who sticks to his commitments.
I'll have to be honest. I grew up isolated and learned to fend for myself. I didn't think of others first. I might have been a “nice guy,” but when it came down to it, I made sure that I got what I wanted. I would commit to things, but only if it was something I wanted to do. If it got harder then what I wanted to deal with or required more sacrifice then I wanted to give, I would back out of it. I was very selfish and know that I hurt some people.
That’s why I admire men – younger men especially – who are doing their best to live lives of purity and honestly and commitment.
Men who devote themselves to purity in their marriage and to building up their wives.
Men who commit themselves to raising a family. Men who put their kids wants and needs before their own.
Men who work hard at an honest job with a passion to make their company THE best at what they do.
Men who support their church with their prayers and their time and their finances.
Men who aren’t afraid to step in and be protectors when they have to be.
Men who are trying to learn how to really listen and not just promote or dictate.
Men who work and sweat to build solid foundations in all the different areas of their lives.
Godly men. Men with strength and character and compassion.
I just got a reminder email from my production team leader at church about helping this Sunday. He works a full time job every week as a chef but devotes his Sundays to leading a team that helps set up and tear down the kid’s ministry. (We meet in a local high school.)
It struck me that he's a man of commitment. And here is my thought. The older I get the more I appreciate and admire a man who sticks to his commitments.
I'll have to be honest. I grew up isolated and learned to fend for myself. I didn't think of others first. I might have been a “nice guy,” but when it came down to it, I made sure that I got what I wanted. I would commit to things, but only if it was something I wanted to do. If it got harder then what I wanted to deal with or required more sacrifice then I wanted to give, I would back out of it. I was very selfish and know that I hurt some people.
That’s why I admire men – younger men especially – who are doing their best to live lives of purity and honestly and commitment.
Men who devote themselves to purity in their marriage and to building up their wives.
Men who commit themselves to raising a family. Men who put their kids wants and needs before their own.
Men who work hard at an honest job with a passion to make their company THE best at what they do.
Men who support their church with their prayers and their time and their finances.
Men who aren’t afraid to step in and be protectors when they have to be.
Men who are trying to learn how to really listen and not just promote or dictate.
Men who work and sweat to build solid foundations in all the different areas of their lives.
Godly men. Men with strength and character and compassion.
Unexpected Grace...
Well, it's 5:18 on a Friday afternoon and I'm stuck in the office wrapping up some things. Such is life as a salesman in the air conditioning world in the middle of summer. The days are long and every phone call is a fire drill that your customer has to get solved in the next "five minutes." Meanwhile, with the office phone trapped to your ear, your cell phone has been ringing with other calls, someone is waiting patiently in your office door to ask about something, and the warehouse is emailing you because they can't find a piece of equipment.
But you know what? I'm smiling.
A year ago I was on my knees broke(n) and scared in the middle of one of my life's lowest moments. The company I was working for had let everyone in my department go but me. They had the lowest sales in the industry. They had a construction job downtown that was losing hundreds of thousands of dollars. For over four years I had been struggling to stay current with my bills. I couldn't take much more.
To be honest, the situation had really affected what I believed about myself. My self esteem was shot. I didn't believe that I deserved better or that I had the qualifications to get the kind of job that I wanted and needed. I was struggling with my faith and wondered what God was trying to teach me. I was angry at Him and grown resentful of smiling Christians. Especially those that smiled and said God wanted to bless me with His riches. At the time, the implication seemed to be that I was struggling so bad because something was wrong with me.
I know that wasn't their point and that it was my wrong thinking, but I had begun to believe it.
But then when I least expected it, I experienced grace...
************************************************************
A friend knew a friend who knew of an unexpected job opening at a competitor's office in Charlotte. Not just a competitor. THE competitor. THE company in our industry that all others are measured by. THE company that I had actually worked for back 9 years ago but left because of pride. (Long story.) Three weeks and three interviews later and I had a new job. And have loved it. A year later and I'm starting to believe in myself again.
Those four years taught me that it's hard for a guy not to calculate his worth based on the job he has, the income he brings in, and the way people respond to him in his work environment. Christian men’s books I've read seem to communicate the message that work is just a job and should not become part of who he is. I had a homeschool father tell me that God was trying to teach me that "good dads" belong at home running some sort of home based business that allow the father to be more involved in the lives of their sons. I don’t blame this man for thinking that way since most if not all of the male homeschool speakers promote the same line of thought. There's a tremendous amount of christian guilt used to manipulate a father to run his home and raise his children a specific way. As if your sons are going to go to hell if you’re not there every minute of the day with them and apprenticing them into your trade when they’re old enough.
Get thee behind me, get a life, and quit trying to sell your agenda (and materials!) as if you know how all Christian families should function.
Sorry... I digress. Back to my point.
I think one of the things missing in the Christian men’s movement/books is the value of building a successful career along with building a strong marriage and family. I say this because I know how God made me. I have a passion inside of me to go off into the world and build something. To create. To provide. To improve. And I would argue that it’s Biblical... right out of Genesis. Adam worked along with God as He created order, named the animals, and cared for Eden. God put that in the heart of Adam.
I think Christian men need permission to feel passionate about what we do during the day. I think God walks alongside the man who kisses his wife and kids goodbye in the morning and goes off to a company that he pours his heart into. Obviously there are limits and I’m not giving permission to the workaholic who ignores the emotional needs of his wife and children. A man's family must always come first.
I guess what I’m saying is that it’s good to have a passion for the organization that you work for. It’s God given. I will wrap my arms around that passion with pride and praise God for all my successes and humble myself before Him in the middle of my failures.
But you know what? I'm smiling.
A year ago I was on my knees broke(n) and scared in the middle of one of my life's lowest moments. The company I was working for had let everyone in my department go but me. They had the lowest sales in the industry. They had a construction job downtown that was losing hundreds of thousands of dollars. For over four years I had been struggling to stay current with my bills. I couldn't take much more.
To be honest, the situation had really affected what I believed about myself. My self esteem was shot. I didn't believe that I deserved better or that I had the qualifications to get the kind of job that I wanted and needed. I was struggling with my faith and wondered what God was trying to teach me. I was angry at Him and grown resentful of smiling Christians. Especially those that smiled and said God wanted to bless me with His riches. At the time, the implication seemed to be that I was struggling so bad because something was wrong with me.
I know that wasn't their point and that it was my wrong thinking, but I had begun to believe it.
But then when I least expected it, I experienced grace...
************************************************************
A friend knew a friend who knew of an unexpected job opening at a competitor's office in Charlotte. Not just a competitor. THE competitor. THE company in our industry that all others are measured by. THE company that I had actually worked for back 9 years ago but left because of pride. (Long story.) Three weeks and three interviews later and I had a new job. And have loved it. A year later and I'm starting to believe in myself again.
Those four years taught me that it's hard for a guy not to calculate his worth based on the job he has, the income he brings in, and the way people respond to him in his work environment. Christian men’s books I've read seem to communicate the message that work is just a job and should not become part of who he is. I had a homeschool father tell me that God was trying to teach me that "good dads" belong at home running some sort of home based business that allow the father to be more involved in the lives of their sons. I don’t blame this man for thinking that way since most if not all of the male homeschool speakers promote the same line of thought. There's a tremendous amount of christian guilt used to manipulate a father to run his home and raise his children a specific way. As if your sons are going to go to hell if you’re not there every minute of the day with them and apprenticing them into your trade when they’re old enough.
Get thee behind me, get a life, and quit trying to sell your agenda (and materials!) as if you know how all Christian families should function.
Sorry... I digress. Back to my point.
I think one of the things missing in the Christian men’s movement/books is the value of building a successful career along with building a strong marriage and family. I say this because I know how God made me. I have a passion inside of me to go off into the world and build something. To create. To provide. To improve. And I would argue that it’s Biblical... right out of Genesis. Adam worked along with God as He created order, named the animals, and cared for Eden. God put that in the heart of Adam.
I think Christian men need permission to feel passionate about what we do during the day. I think God walks alongside the man who kisses his wife and kids goodbye in the morning and goes off to a company that he pours his heart into. Obviously there are limits and I’m not giving permission to the workaholic who ignores the emotional needs of his wife and children. A man's family must always come first.
I guess what I’m saying is that it’s good to have a passion for the organization that you work for. It’s God given. I will wrap my arms around that passion with pride and praise God for all my successes and humble myself before Him in the middle of my failures.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Random Thoughts
A pizza cutter cuts up pancakes and waffles for kids like nobodies business.
A glass of cold water thrown in the face of a teen age boy is a great last resort to get him out of the bed in the morning. You probably will only have to do it once.
Don’t even try to explain what’s going on when your five year old walks in on you and your spouse in “the heat of the moment.” They just stare at you funny.
That purple colored kid's sun tan lotion is a bad thing to buy for a week at the beach with a bunch of kids. By the end of the trip they look like a group of Smurfs.
Nothing is freakier then waking up in the middle of the night to a child staring at you with their face about two inches from yours. I swear I heard “Jason” music playing in my head.
Hard work is good for the teenage soul.
The most embarrassing thing you’ve said to your wife in a moment of anger is stored in your kid’s brain and will get repeated at the next family or friend get together.
Yes, listening to a bunch of teenage girls talk is as bad as I remember from Jr. high.
A glass of cold water thrown in the face of a teen age boy is a great last resort to get him out of the bed in the morning. You probably will only have to do it once.
Don’t even try to explain what’s going on when your five year old walks in on you and your spouse in “the heat of the moment.” They just stare at you funny.
That purple colored kid's sun tan lotion is a bad thing to buy for a week at the beach with a bunch of kids. By the end of the trip they look like a group of Smurfs.
Nothing is freakier then waking up in the middle of the night to a child staring at you with their face about two inches from yours. I swear I heard “Jason” music playing in my head.
Hard work is good for the teenage soul.
The most embarrassing thing you’ve said to your wife in a moment of anger is stored in your kid’s brain and will get repeated at the next family or friend get together.
Yes, listening to a bunch of teenage girls talk is as bad as I remember from Jr. high.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Sons and Daughters
A random thought for parents this morning. And soon to be parents.
You might be feeling discouraged or tired or wondering if what you do matters. I know how exhausting being a parent can be. I get frustrated too easily, speak too harshly, and then feel guilty for dumping my bucket when my kids just wanted some 'daddy time' and a hug.
I watch my wife and witness how 'mothering' can wear a woman completely out. She lays her head down at the end of a long day feeling weary in her bones.
I know the tension a man feels trying to create a successful profession to provide for his family while also trying to be a devoted husband and father.
Some days I feel like I'm failing on both fronts.
Other days are so good that I lay in bed awake wishing that I could go back and re-live every single minute. Life can seem like a good dream that you don't want to wake up from.
I want you to be encouraged today. You have the hardest job on the planet. Your kids love you and aren't nearly as hard on you as you are on yourself. You're fighting a great battle and are making a difference. You make your little girl laugh out load with joy. And your son thinks you're a mighty warrior.
You're part of something big - a story God is weaving through time. And His love is shining down upon you. His faithfulness for you is great, and His love for you is strong.
Be at peace.
You might be feeling discouraged or tired or wondering if what you do matters. I know how exhausting being a parent can be. I get frustrated too easily, speak too harshly, and then feel guilty for dumping my bucket when my kids just wanted some 'daddy time' and a hug.
I watch my wife and witness how 'mothering' can wear a woman completely out. She lays her head down at the end of a long day feeling weary in her bones.
I know the tension a man feels trying to create a successful profession to provide for his family while also trying to be a devoted husband and father.
Some days I feel like I'm failing on both fronts.
Other days are so good that I lay in bed awake wishing that I could go back and re-live every single minute. Life can seem like a good dream that you don't want to wake up from.
I want you to be encouraged today. You have the hardest job on the planet. Your kids love you and aren't nearly as hard on you as you are on yourself. You're fighting a great battle and are making a difference. You make your little girl laugh out load with joy. And your son thinks you're a mighty warrior.
You're part of something big - a story God is weaving through time. And His love is shining down upon you. His faithfulness for you is great, and His love for you is strong.
Be at peace.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Swim Meets
Our neighborhood pool has a swim team that has been practicing now for a month getting ready for meets. It's a big thing. Last year the team was undefeated, winning the city championship, and our kids look forward to it every year. We've got a great coach who demands excellence from the kids and teaches them the value of teamwork, good sportmanship, and the benefits of hard work. It has turned into something that our whole family gets into which to me is an important reason for doing it.
And my wife and I even get an hour every night of free babysitting while they're all practicing to go for a walk and catch up on our day. Can't beat that.
This year our five year old is swimming for the first time. He's in what's called the "shrimpers" group made up of four, five and some six year olds. The deal is that as long as they can swim the entire length of the pool unassisted they can be in the event. Last night was his first time participating and I was a bit nervous for him. You always want your kid to be succesful at what they attempt. And he did great, swimming the whole 25 meters without grabbing the rope. He finished to mild applause and I was waiting for him as he climbed out of the pool to give him a hug for doing such a good job.
But this post isn't about him. I left the meet last night thinking about a little boy named Max.
Max was in this same shrimpers group and looked to be about four or five. All the other kids had finished the event and gotten out of the pool. But little Max was struggling. He had about a fourth of the length of the pool left and was hanging on the lane rope for dear life. He was frozen there in his lane with his face tilted downward and seemed to be unable to move. His coach was calling out to him but he wouldn't look her way.
Then the coolest thing happened.
A man who must have been Max's dad kneeled down low at the edge of the pool and started calling out to him. After a few moments Max must have heard his father's voice because he slowly lifted his head and looked at him. And with his father encouraging him on, he slowly let go of the rope for a moment and swam a bit. Then he'd grab the rope, rest a minute, then swim some more. The whole time he's doing this, he's looking towards his father's face, swimming towards him. And while this is going on, all the parents from both teams gathered around the pool edge and started yelling and clapping for Max. For a few minutes it went on like this, Max struggling to finish the race listening to the encouragement of his father and all the other parents who circled around him in the water.
Little Max did finish the race, limping along a little bit at a time. And as his father lifted him up out of the water and wrapped him in a big bear hug, the whole pool, parents and teamates and all, errupted in cheers as if Max had won an Olympic gold medal.
We all have moments in life when we get stuck in the water and the edge of the pool seems miles away. But our Father wants us to let go of the rope and press on. He is on His knees shouting out His encouragement.
The day will come when our race will be complete. Our Father will lift us out of this world and we'll hear the shouts and the cheers of the angels as we're carried home.
And my wife and I even get an hour every night of free babysitting while they're all practicing to go for a walk and catch up on our day. Can't beat that.
This year our five year old is swimming for the first time. He's in what's called the "shrimpers" group made up of four, five and some six year olds. The deal is that as long as they can swim the entire length of the pool unassisted they can be in the event. Last night was his first time participating and I was a bit nervous for him. You always want your kid to be succesful at what they attempt. And he did great, swimming the whole 25 meters without grabbing the rope. He finished to mild applause and I was waiting for him as he climbed out of the pool to give him a hug for doing such a good job.
But this post isn't about him. I left the meet last night thinking about a little boy named Max.
Max was in this same shrimpers group and looked to be about four or five. All the other kids had finished the event and gotten out of the pool. But little Max was struggling. He had about a fourth of the length of the pool left and was hanging on the lane rope for dear life. He was frozen there in his lane with his face tilted downward and seemed to be unable to move. His coach was calling out to him but he wouldn't look her way.
Then the coolest thing happened.
A man who must have been Max's dad kneeled down low at the edge of the pool and started calling out to him. After a few moments Max must have heard his father's voice because he slowly lifted his head and looked at him. And with his father encouraging him on, he slowly let go of the rope for a moment and swam a bit. Then he'd grab the rope, rest a minute, then swim some more. The whole time he's doing this, he's looking towards his father's face, swimming towards him. And while this is going on, all the parents from both teams gathered around the pool edge and started yelling and clapping for Max. For a few minutes it went on like this, Max struggling to finish the race listening to the encouragement of his father and all the other parents who circled around him in the water.
Little Max did finish the race, limping along a little bit at a time. And as his father lifted him up out of the water and wrapped him in a big bear hug, the whole pool, parents and teamates and all, errupted in cheers as if Max had won an Olympic gold medal.
We all have moments in life when we get stuck in the water and the edge of the pool seems miles away. But our Father wants us to let go of the rope and press on. He is on His knees shouting out His encouragement.
The day will come when our race will be complete. Our Father will lift us out of this world and we'll hear the shouts and the cheers of the angels as we're carried home.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
My Role vs. My Identity or What Does It Mean to Respect, part 2
I've struggled much of my life with my identity. I defined myself by what I was doing. In high school it was being on the right sports teams or in the right clubs. In college it was joining the right fraternity and holding the right office. I was ambitious and had dreams of the big corporate job, nice houses, and new cars. Give me some of that good ole’ southern wealth.
And then it was being the one who got married young and had kids. (Lots of kids!) Our family looked good on the outside and people would compliment my wife and I on how well behaved our children seemed. Over time my identity became that of good husband and good father. By that I mean it was secretly important to me that people recognized my impressive parenting abilities and communicated that in some way back to me. I needed to hear it.
I think people can get that way with church too. They start to find their identity with the kind of church they attend and what they say they believe. Or on a more personal level, they find their identity in what they do for the church. The class they teach or the position they hold becomes overly important to them. For me it was being part of a praise team. I battled against this, but there was a part of me that needed people to know that I was good playing the guitar. When someone passed me in the hall, part of me wanted them to recognize me from the stage. I know all this probably sounds really bad but I’m just being honest.
It was actually at this point in my life when I began to see how unhealthy all this is. I remember the struggle I went through when our church went from two to three services and I had to give up playing with the band. It just wasn’t fair to Marybeth for me to commit to that much time away on a Sunday. I struggled with not being the guitar guy any longer. To be honest, I had a hard time in worship on some Sundays watching from the congregation. I couldn't let it go. And that’s when I started to admit this ugly part of myself.
Being a father and serving at a church are both really good things, but I had “become” what I was “doing.” The problem with what we “do” becoming who we “are” is that we don't react well when those things get threatened. For example, if I have an unhealthy pride in being a good father, I'm going to react angrily if my wife comes to me to talk about some problems she sees with how I'm interacting with my children. Another example, if my identity as a Christian is wrapped up in the way my church building looks, I'm going to get overly upset with anyone who criticizes it. I might even be critical of other churches and their worship styles (or whatever) because deep down, I'm actually battling personal insecurities and jealousies. My self-worth is threatened by these churches being different then me.
What I think I'm beginning to realize is that all of these things are not who I am. They are just what I do. These things aren’t my identity. They are just roles that I have. My identity - my worth - doesn't come from what other people think of me or the things I have or the work that I do. My worth - my value as a human being - comes from Christ alone.
It's one of the reasons why I love Christ so much I think. His love for me doesn't go up or down based on what I'm doing. His love is deep and rich and consistent. He cares for me and loves me just because I'm alive.
He wants me to stop comparing myself to other people and simply accept His love for me. He wants me to quit worrying what they think of me or how they might criticize me. He wants me to be comfortable in my own skin because He values me and would do anything for me including giving His life for mine so that I might have a chance to live with Him forever.
What I do is simply my role in life. Who I am - my identity, my worth - is in Christ alone.
You can't learn how to respect other people until you learn how to respect yourself.
And then it was being the one who got married young and had kids. (Lots of kids!) Our family looked good on the outside and people would compliment my wife and I on how well behaved our children seemed. Over time my identity became that of good husband and good father. By that I mean it was secretly important to me that people recognized my impressive parenting abilities and communicated that in some way back to me. I needed to hear it.
I think people can get that way with church too. They start to find their identity with the kind of church they attend and what they say they believe. Or on a more personal level, they find their identity in what they do for the church. The class they teach or the position they hold becomes overly important to them. For me it was being part of a praise team. I battled against this, but there was a part of me that needed people to know that I was good playing the guitar. When someone passed me in the hall, part of me wanted them to recognize me from the stage. I know all this probably sounds really bad but I’m just being honest.
It was actually at this point in my life when I began to see how unhealthy all this is. I remember the struggle I went through when our church went from two to three services and I had to give up playing with the band. It just wasn’t fair to Marybeth for me to commit to that much time away on a Sunday. I struggled with not being the guitar guy any longer. To be honest, I had a hard time in worship on some Sundays watching from the congregation. I couldn't let it go. And that’s when I started to admit this ugly part of myself.
Being a father and serving at a church are both really good things, but I had “become” what I was “doing.” The problem with what we “do” becoming who we “are” is that we don't react well when those things get threatened. For example, if I have an unhealthy pride in being a good father, I'm going to react angrily if my wife comes to me to talk about some problems she sees with how I'm interacting with my children. Another example, if my identity as a Christian is wrapped up in the way my church building looks, I'm going to get overly upset with anyone who criticizes it. I might even be critical of other churches and their worship styles (or whatever) because deep down, I'm actually battling personal insecurities and jealousies. My self-worth is threatened by these churches being different then me.
What I think I'm beginning to realize is that all of these things are not who I am. They are just what I do. These things aren’t my identity. They are just roles that I have. My identity - my worth - doesn't come from what other people think of me or the things I have or the work that I do. My worth - my value as a human being - comes from Christ alone.
It's one of the reasons why I love Christ so much I think. His love for me doesn't go up or down based on what I'm doing. His love is deep and rich and consistent. He cares for me and loves me just because I'm alive.
He wants me to stop comparing myself to other people and simply accept His love for me. He wants me to quit worrying what they think of me or how they might criticize me. He wants me to be comfortable in my own skin because He values me and would do anything for me including giving His life for mine so that I might have a chance to live with Him forever.
What I do is simply my role in life. Who I am - my identity, my worth - is in Christ alone.
You can't learn how to respect other people until you learn how to respect yourself.
Monday, June 4, 2007
What Does It Mean to Respect?
There is a story from the life of David that I've been thinking a lot about. A recent post here challenged me and inspired me to write this.
Throughout the first book of Samuel, we read how King Saul, who had been appointed by God as the first king of Israel, is trying to kill a man named David. Saul had sinned against God and was told by the prophet Samuel that David would replace him as king.
I'm not a Biblical scholar, but best I can tell, Saul's pursuit of David went on for years. The story reads like an adventure novel. Time and again Saul gets close to trapping David, only to have David make a daring escape. Saul's hatred of David grew and grew.
In 1 Samuel 24, Saul chooses 3,000 elite troops and leads them into the wilderness searching for David to find him and kill him. During the journey, Saul goes into a cave to "relieve himself." By complete coincidence, David and his band of followers are hiding out in the same cave. When David's followers realize who has come into their hideout, they try and coax David into sneaking up on Saul to kill him, end his years of hiding, and claim Saul's kingdom. David sneaks up, gets close to the king, and cuts off a corner of his robe. But this simple act of disrespecting God's "anointed one" bothers David so badly that he restrains his men and does not let them harm Saul. When Saul has gotten far enough away that David can safely reveal himself, David bows low to honor his "lord the king" and hollars out an apology.
Regardless of David's personal feelings for Saul, he demonstrates his respect for the position that Saul holds. I imagine David thinking, “As long as God has him there, I will honor him because he holds the position of king.” It’s sort of like saying that a private must respect and salute his captain regardless of his like or dislike of the person holding the rank. You salute the rank not the person.
As I read this chapter, I compared David's behavior to my own life. I come away asking myself some tough questions. How do I feel about Christian men and pastors that God has placed in positions of leadership? Do I respect them the way that David respected Saul? Do I support them with my words and behavior? Or do I critisize these men and their methods? What if I disagree with their style? How do I speak of their ministries?
Regardless of my feelings, shouldn't I humble myself before my God and support Christian men in leadership roles instead of criticizing them? Shouldn't I follow the example of the life of David? He gave the highest respect to the man that God apointed king. (A man who was trying to kill him by the way!) Shouldn't I give Christians leaders in today's world the same level of respect?
In Mark 9, we find the very first Christian critic, the apostle John no less. He comes to Christ upset because a man who is not "one of us" is casting out demons in Jesus's name. He's actually jealous of the man - earlier in the chapter we read how John and the other diciples failed at casting the demon out of a boy. But instead of letting John vent his frustrations, Jesus rebukes John reminding him that we're all on the same team. The apostle Paul in Phillipians 1 rejoices that the Good News of Jesus Christ is being preached regardless of whether the preachers have pure ambitions or not. Shouldn't we rejoice for that today as well?
I'm trying to remind myself that Jesus wants me to be a peacemaker, not a critic.
Throughout the first book of Samuel, we read how King Saul, who had been appointed by God as the first king of Israel, is trying to kill a man named David. Saul had sinned against God and was told by the prophet Samuel that David would replace him as king.
I'm not a Biblical scholar, but best I can tell, Saul's pursuit of David went on for years. The story reads like an adventure novel. Time and again Saul gets close to trapping David, only to have David make a daring escape. Saul's hatred of David grew and grew.
In 1 Samuel 24, Saul chooses 3,000 elite troops and leads them into the wilderness searching for David to find him and kill him. During the journey, Saul goes into a cave to "relieve himself." By complete coincidence, David and his band of followers are hiding out in the same cave. When David's followers realize who has come into their hideout, they try and coax David into sneaking up on Saul to kill him, end his years of hiding, and claim Saul's kingdom. David sneaks up, gets close to the king, and cuts off a corner of his robe. But this simple act of disrespecting God's "anointed one" bothers David so badly that he restrains his men and does not let them harm Saul. When Saul has gotten far enough away that David can safely reveal himself, David bows low to honor his "lord the king" and hollars out an apology.
Regardless of David's personal feelings for Saul, he demonstrates his respect for the position that Saul holds. I imagine David thinking, “As long as God has him there, I will honor him because he holds the position of king.” It’s sort of like saying that a private must respect and salute his captain regardless of his like or dislike of the person holding the rank. You salute the rank not the person.
As I read this chapter, I compared David's behavior to my own life. I come away asking myself some tough questions. How do I feel about Christian men and pastors that God has placed in positions of leadership? Do I respect them the way that David respected Saul? Do I support them with my words and behavior? Or do I critisize these men and their methods? What if I disagree with their style? How do I speak of their ministries?
Regardless of my feelings, shouldn't I humble myself before my God and support Christian men in leadership roles instead of criticizing them? Shouldn't I follow the example of the life of David? He gave the highest respect to the man that God apointed king. (A man who was trying to kill him by the way!) Shouldn't I give Christians leaders in today's world the same level of respect?
In Mark 9, we find the very first Christian critic, the apostle John no less. He comes to Christ upset because a man who is not "one of us" is casting out demons in Jesus's name. He's actually jealous of the man - earlier in the chapter we read how John and the other diciples failed at casting the demon out of a boy. But instead of letting John vent his frustrations, Jesus rebukes John reminding him that we're all on the same team. The apostle Paul in Phillipians 1 rejoices that the Good News of Jesus Christ is being preached regardless of whether the preachers have pure ambitions or not. Shouldn't we rejoice for that today as well?
I'm trying to remind myself that Jesus wants me to be a peacemaker, not a critic.
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